Confessions of Caty the Compulsive Liar

Here we go - the truth… I think..

So I’ve just finished the second pre-season challenge.  As I type this there are tears steaming down my face.  There were so, so many things I thought of that I always use to talk myself out of being healthy.  And it took such a long time to figure out what I can do to combat these thoughts.

Mish hit the nail on the head when she said “you’ve been saying them for so long you literally believe them” - hello, thirteen years of lying to everyone I know. 

It hasn’t hit me yet that I can’t hide behind the excuses any more.  I’m terrified that I’m going to try, and fail - but I’m not going to let that stop me.  I don’t want to tell my family that I’m doing the 12WBT because I’m so scared of how much I’ll disappoint them if I don’t succeed.  I know they will absolutely support me, and that these are just excuses popping up again.

...How do you undo 13 years of negative thinking and excuse making?  I honestly don’t know.  I’m so used to lying to everyone, including myself that I’m not sure how to go about being gut-wrenchingly honest.  I guess, to a point, I can never believe anything I’m saying - even as I type I’m only 60% believeing the very words I’m typing. 

I’ve never bought “skinny clothes” because I don’t get that ‘rewarding’ feeling when you’re getting smaller and closer to the goal - i just feel awful that I’m still too fat to fit into them. 

My best friend has lost over 25 kg since the beginning of the year - he’s always been so much bigger than my and now he’s smaller and he looks amazing.  He used the gym to get over a broken heart - but I don’t have anything like that to give me a reason to pour myself into my health…

Even though I’ve already submitted my task, I’m coming up with more excuses just by typing what’s going on in my head -what sort of excuse is “my best friend is hotter than me, I don’t want to bother” or “I don’t have a broken heart - I can’t do what he did”.. It’s just not okay for me to keep thinking like this

-Caty x

Pre-Season Task Two - Get Real - No More Excuses

My Excuses and Their Solutions

Internal Excuses

1. I'm not fit enough.
2. I don't have anyone to talk to while I'm exercising
3. There's too many people around.
4. I don't want people to see me
5. I had a really long day
6. I was running around at work
7.I haven't eaten anything bad today, I don't need to exercise
8.I'm not the fattest person in this room, it's okay
9. I've gotten away with it for this long, why change now?
10. It's just one day, I'll do extra tomorrow.

Solutions

1. If I exercise more I'll become more fit, and more able to do the training that I want to do. Remember that I don't have to be as good as everyone else, as long as I'm the best I can be.
2. Put in your iPod. You'll be more focussed without someone to distract you. 3. So what!? Just go for a walk, no one's paying any attention to you anyway. 4. Again, it doesn't matter. Everyone's going to be doing their own thing, so it's no excuse!!
5. Working out will let you clear your head and work through any problems from the day. If you're tired, walking around the block a few times will increase your energy - More time with Shell!
6. The things you do at work don't count towards your training sessions - they're too instant... You don't do any prolonged activity at work - just chasing a child every now and then..
7. But you've still eaten!! Remember that you have an office job so you're not burning any calories sitting at a desk all day...
8. Remember it's not about size, it's about your health. You might not be the biggest person in the room (yay!) but you know you're still not where you want to be with your health.
9. Because CHANGE IS GOOD!!! And you're changing for the better. Think of all those people you were so jealous of growing up - when you finish this journey you're gonna be hotter than them!
10. You know from experience that doesn't work - remember your 2011 New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it lasted two weeks - don't get caught in that trap again.

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External Excuses Within My Control

1. Shell isn't exercising so I don't have to
2. I want to spend time with my girlfriend
3. Between work, Guides and travel I don't have time
4. It's raining
5. It's too hot/cold
6. Shell's got the car so I can't get to the gym
7. I'm on such a tight budget that I can't go to the gym

Solutions

1.Ask her to come with you - she needs some exercise too! Maybe it can be something you can do together - supporting each other and pushing each other further.
2. Put aside time when you know she'll be at work and work out then - you can still have an hour before bed with her every night.
3. Work is only three days a week. Guide is only a few hours. There's plenty of time before and after work, on weekends, etc. Talk a long walk on your way home from work - or take your sneakers and get off train at Emu Plains and walk home.
4. So go to the Gym.
5. The Gym is temperature controlled. If it's cold outside, you'll be more comfortable when you heat up. If it's hot, incorporate swimming into your session.
6. So go for a walk - you live in a perfect place for walking - go for a walk/jog around your block thre times. If all else fails, call Corey and hit the gym with him.
7. Corey can take a friend for free every time he goes! You never have to pay for it!!!

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External Excuses Outside My Control

1. Something happens to Shell
2. Family emergency
3. Work crisis
4. Guides camp

Solutions

For all: work around it - handle the emergency effeciently, and go for a training session as soon as you can to relieve the tension and stress the emergency has caused. Going for a walk or jog will help you to think through the problems without directly addressing them

-I'm almost positive I'll make up plenty more alone the way, but now I have methods of dealing with them.  But please, if I get off track, direct me back here.

-Caty x

Pre-Season Task One- Introduce Yourself.

Me again...
This was the first challenge Mish set us - to write a little about ourselves and why we were doing the 12wbt.

My name's Caitlin, but anyone who knows me calls me Caty. I'm 19, and originally from the Blue Mountains, but relocated to Cairns late last year. However I'm back in Penrith with my girlfriend Michelle.
I work in Surry Hills for Girl Guides, an organisation I've been part of for 15 years. I do babysitting and volunteer as a Leader for Girl Guides in my spare time.
The main reason I'm doing the 12WBT is that it finally occurred to me that my lifestyle is not okay, that I'm not healthy, and that I'm not happy about it. I've always had problems with my weight, and after so many years of "I'll do it next week", or "I can pretend I'm happy about where I am, so it's okay", I'm pulling my head in and doing something about it.

I'd love to be able to feel good about my body, and actually feel healthy for once. My girlfriend and I are terrible eaters, sinve we've both moved out of our parents' houses, and they don't dictate what we can eat anymore. I'd love to use the knowledge I'll gain through 12WBT to help her as well.

I can be pretty shy when I first meet people, but once I've met someone, I'll almost never forget them. Once I'm comfortable in an environment I can get very loud. I don't hold back on my thoughts, but I'm always here to offer a smile or an ear if you need it!


I guess I should stop rambling - that's another thing, I can talk until the cows come home!

--Caty x

Introduction - to me, myself and I

Hi, I'm Caty, and I'm a foodaholic (group response: Hi Caty...)

I've signed up for Michelle Bridges' "12 Week Body Transformation" - 12WBT, because I've finally decided that it's time to do something about my weight issues. 

I guess the point of this is I can type until my fingers fall off, and get all my thoughts out there - excitement, fears, accomplishments and disappointments.  I'm going to do my best to be brutally honest - about myself, the things I'm eating, and the things I'm doing.

My aim for the challenge is to be well on my way to losing between 25 and 35 kg.  in doing so this will bring my BMI down from "obese" to "healthy".  But numbers aside, I want to feel healthy.  I want to look good, feel good, and be able to keep up with the kids when I'm babysitting.  I'd love to eventually have kids of my own, and I don't want to be one of those mums who take their kids to the movies or to a playground and watch their kid play - I want to play too!

I've decided that I'll post my own blogs - as well as copying over anything I write on the 12wbt website, to keep myself in check. 

Here's to a hard and productive twelve weeks, and to a healthy lifestyle from here-on-in!

Wish me luck,

--Caty x