So it turns out that I'm terrible at sticking to my word... When it comes to myself at least... I was doing so well in the first two weeks. Eating excellently and working out a lot. And the results were showing it. I lost 7.5 kg in two weeks - AMAZING!!! Then disaster struck.
And here are the excuses:
I started socialising you see... feeling confident in my already slimming body. I went out for sushi. Not once, not twice.. but FOUR times in a week. FOUR! I ate really well other than that and was still losing weight - though not as much.
THEN - excuses piled up. I got the flu, and didn't get out of bed for three days, and couldn't walk 20m without dissolving into a coughing fit. So I gave up the gym in order to make myself better (the last time I had a persistant cough it stuck around for 10 months so I really wanted to shake it quickly).
Unfortunately, a month later, and I still haven't been to the gym. I haven't weighed in for the last two weeks - I'm almost positive I'm back over 100kg and I don't want to know.
My eating went to shit... I started just eating whatever. Hot chips, lollies, chocolate.. you name it. I felt completely out of control... but I didn't care. At all. Even tonight; I had pasta and creamy sauce for dinner.. half a caramello koala... I've all but stopped eating breakfast.. Goodbye, kick started metabolism...
My heartrate monitor arrived in the mail over three weeks ago... I still haven't taken it out of the box. How awful!!
I got my 12wbt shirts in the mail yesterday - all the Sydney Ladies (and Men!) got together and organised shirts so we'd regocnise each other etc. I ordered two - a size 18 for now, and a size 14 for when I'm smaller. I was so disappointed to find out that the 18 was tight. And buying a shirt for Guides today - that I had to get a size 20. The Guides do have small shirt sizes though, but even so - what a confidence killer. Can't wait to put on that size 12.
I guess, for now, I'm back where I started. Unfit, obese, in a terrible mindset. I haven't been able to listen/join in to Michelle's live chats because I have prior commitments on a Wednesday... But I've failed to listen to them later... I haven't watched a weekly video since week three... Haven't even looked at my meal plan in almost a month. What the hell am I doing?
I've paid so much money for this course - with things like the heart rate monitor and shirts included, upwards of $500... It's just ridiculous. And I'm sitting on my ass not doing anything. I'm so disappointed in myself.
Even as I say that, I can only partially say I'm disappointed. I am, no doubt, ashamed and angry at myself for giving up so early. I should have stuck with it. However, I'm determined to get my life back on track - my work seems to be (finally) settling down, even though that's still going to get worse before it gets better.... But my personal life is on the mend too.
Enough excuses. I know I'm weeks behind, but I'm still going to do this. I've made myself so accountable for this - everyone at work is behind me, people all through my life are supporitng me... Telling me I look great- even when I know I don't.
I feel like I owe Vanessa - my personal trainer - a huge apology. I've cancelled on her after being called into work, then cancelled on her again with the flu... Then I just stopped going to the gym. I need to get back on the wagon. I need to do it now. Well - tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to be one hell of a day, and I'm looking forward to after work when I can settle back into routine, and sweat it out at the gym.
I'm not excited for work tomorrow - It's going to be stressful and emotionally draining. But no better way to forget all about it than to flog myself at the gym. Let's just hope I can walk on Friday!
Oh - also!! I can FINALLY get back into my Zumba - I've changed Guide Units, so I now meet on a Wednesday, not a Monday. Meaning no more clashes!! yay for weekly Zumba!!
I hope my posts can be more positive from now on - I feel bad always just whinging and bitching.. But - back on the wagon! Back on track! No more looking back! I CAN do this! No - I WILL this!!